I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
