and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
