i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
