did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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