I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
babies were throwing up all over the place
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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