We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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