Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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