I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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