we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
