last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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