dude i'm inner monologue high
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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