I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
