I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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