i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
