He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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