sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
