I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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