Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
