So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
