So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
