tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
