oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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