When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
