Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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