I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
