You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
