what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
