Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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