I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
