I faked an abortion last night.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
