woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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