I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
