Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
