i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
