I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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