If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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