my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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