oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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