you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
