Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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