no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
