I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
