well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
