cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
