I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
