Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
