We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
