Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
