i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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