i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
