I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
