enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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