Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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