Your face is a jimmy john
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
