I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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