who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
