oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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