i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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