Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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