is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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