Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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