i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's shark week go big or go home
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
