Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
