Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
