We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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