it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
