Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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