He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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