I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
