I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
